I roll into the clinic in a good mood, thinking that I am taking my first step in beating this beast. Feeling good. Feeling optimistic. I meet with 2 friendly technicians who explain they will be conducting my daily treatments, but first we need to get this mask custom formed to my head.
Before I lay back on the table, one of the techs tells me I need to have a bite guard in my mouth to hold my tongue away from the roof of my mouth. Sure, let's do it! She hands me this rubber mouth guard that looks like an ice cream bar. It's big, bulky, and once in my mouth, makes it hard for me to breath normally. Shit, I do not like this thing, I am thinking as I lay back on the cold table. I can't really talk or emote my concerns as the techs bring over the mesh mask and place it over my face. A small hole is cut so the ice cream bar stick can stick out of the mesh. The techs press the moldable mesh down firmly around my face and head, similar to stretching plastic wrap over a watermelon - which my head has been compared to.
I'm trying to relax, and breathe as the techs talk calmly, but my instinct is to get up and rip this thing out of my mouth. Heart pounding, I begin to gag on the mouthpiece while trying to move my head. Can't move, can't breathe, I lose it fast.
It truly is a frightening process to get this mask made, and be locked down tightly by your face. Here's a look:
I panicked on the first attempt, overwhelmed with a feeling of being trapped and choked at the same time, and the techs had to release the locks and let me up before the mask had set. Fail.
I was really devastated. Here I am about to embark on this life and death battle, and I couldn't make it through putting on my armor. I got off the table feeling dejected and a little embarrassed. I ask how often this happens during the mask fittings. "Probably more than 50% of the people can't do it the first time, without some meds." Whoa - there is an option to be medicated? Yes, please. So I leave and pick up a prescription of some powerful sedatives, and make an appointment to try again on Wednesday.
Wednesday rolls around, I take the sedatives, and bring my wife for comfort. This time, I take my shoes off, remaining barefoot as I lie on the table. I feel this keeps my mind thinking that I'm still free and unrestrained. The techs run through the same process - stick the bite guard in my mouth, press the warm mesh mask over my face, lock down the 9 tabs that hold me tight to the board. I can't talk, but I don't really care with the effects of the sedative kicking in. Locked down, now the techs and my wife leave the room and the bed moves me backwards into the scanner. I close my eyes, since I can't really open my eyelids with the mask on, and zone out as the scanner does its thing. No panic this time.
Here's my expression moments after successfully enduring Round 2 of the mask:
As a token of my first failure, the techs give me the ruined mask to take home with me.
I guess some people paint theirs, or turn into some type of art. Others ceremoniously burn theirs after finishing their treatments.
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